Thursday, January 15, 2015

I'm sorry - a 60 second drive-thru experience

To the guy behind me in the McDonalds drive-thru (Yes, I eat fast food.  I'm fat and poor, shut it), I'm sorry.   So many thoughts I had about you.  I'm sure you had no idea. I know and I'm sorry.

I was staring at you so hard in my rearview mirror that you could probably feel my eyes on you if you were paying attention. I'm sorry. You probably weren't.

I heard you first.  As you pulled up behind my car, I could hear the rumble of a worn engine.  I wasn't sure what to expect. I was thinking dumptruck or huge piece of machinery. A loud piece of machinery.  The noise was so loud that I briefly forgot about my sausage mcmuffin and yogurt parfait.  Very briefly - I'm sorry.   I looked up and there you were in your big old monstrosity of a pickup truck.  The truck was older than I had originally thought. Big and rumbly.  Probably a work truck.

After sizing up the truck, I spotted you in the drivers seat.  You were probably 50-ish from what I could tell.  It was morning, and I was half asleep so I could be off a few years either way. I'm sorry.  Your hair was gray and white, and very sheepdogish.  Thick and full and falling over your eyes.  You had a full beard.  You looked comfortable and worn like an old flannel shirt.  I think you were wearing a flannel shirt.  I like flannel. I liked how you looked.  A lot.  Mostly why I kept staring.  I'm sorry.

My vivid imagination took over at that point and I started creating your backstory. I'm sorry.  In my head.  As a self-proclaimed professional people watcher (this is a thing), I do this a bunch.  It passes time.  I'm alone a lot.  Never bored or lonely, just alone.  So I imagine. I imagine things about unsuspecting people such as yourself.  Because I liked the way you looked, I immediately made up a story that you were married and unhappy.  That you had a plain-jane wife and she didn't need you or get you.  That you were bored.  That you sat in front of the television night after night, not speaking. That she didn't appreciate you like I would.  I'm sorry.  I changed the story.  You and the wife were madly in love and you have date night every Thursday, you laugh every night at silly shows that you both enjoy, and that you were in the drive-thru to get her coffee and bring it to her in bed because she was off work and you love her. You love her so very much that you were going to be late to your own job just to make her smile.  I really didn't like that scenario because you were cute but I thought it. Then I scratched it.  I'm sorry.

I then began thinking that it would be great if while we were pulling out of the drive-thru that you summoned me over, told me I was beautiful (Sans make-up and pajama clad), and said that you just had to meet me.  Yep.  I thought all of that.  I'm a dreamer.  I can't help it.  Of course you asked me out, we fell in love, and had a great story to tell all of our friends and family.

All of that happened in 60 seconds.  I forgot to mention - I'm an asshole romantic.  I'm sorry. 

#PPB
#Originalwhore

PPB aka The Precious Princess - The Princess is a twice divorced, recently dumped, recently unemployed, self-proclaimed member of the mentally hilarious. She has been referred to as living under a rock stocked with vodka and anger. Her 12 year old “Mini”, who is carbon copy of the Princess, is often the subject of blogs, and Facebook posts. In addition, she writes about dating, the dumbness of boys, life after 40, and shares stories from Bananaland which is both her past and current residence.  She is the owner/sole admin for the Facebook page Precious Princess's Guide to Bananaland where she is famous for her rants and her blunt, honest, and sarcastic look at life.  She blogs both extremely funny and all-the-feels posts at Princess Bananaland.  She hates people, kids, and karaoke. She uses all the swears and makes up dirty words.  Eventually when she’s done being sloth-like, she will write a book.  Be afraid.






13 comments:

Briton Underwood said...

I'm so happy that I am not the only one who daydreams the life of the people around me. I'm sorry

Just a minute...my cape is in the dryer! said...

I think it's kind of nice that in spite of the bad shit that may have happened to you, you still daydream about happy shit.

Gretchen Kellaway said...

It is a thing! Watching people and creating back stories! Damn! It's nice knowing there are more of us, dreaming up these stories in 60 seconds. I am so not sorry! Wonderful read. Seriously, I loved it!

Tracy Vandygriff said...

I fucking love this back story! Shit like this really does happen! Just ask my awesome HunnyMan! He rubbed my back the first time I met him at my cousin's house that some douchetard took me too. It's been true love every since! We even got married and shit!

That Shameless Hussy said...

OMG! I make up stories while I walk in the mornings! Of course they usually involve sex and violence but that's ok! We each have our thing! <3

amandadecker900 said...

I totally do this too!! Thank you so much for this, I honestly thought I might be the only one! I think it's fun. I also like driving around at night, passing by houses that have the lights on, and blinds open, so you get a glimpse into their house. I can dream up their whole lives in just a free minutes... It's a thing. It's not stalky. I swear.

Danie' russell said...

Hahaha, yup, sounds about right.

Pattie Thomas said...

OMGosh! I do this too. Not as often as you probably do because I am usually thinking hate thoughts about some asshat but I do make up scenarios about strangers. This is cool, and....I'm sorry!

Sandy Ramsey said...

I do this all the time! I's sure I am woefully wrong about the stories I make up every single time but it does pass the time.

driftingthrough.com said...

Ha! I love this! I love that I'm not totally crazy for doing this (or we're all crazy together). But I do this all the time. And it usually ends with them (the guy or the girl that I'm momentarily stalking) falling madly in love with me because… well, who cares. The point is I'm irresistible. In my own mind. And possible a little crazy and narcissistic.

driftingthrough.com said...

Ha! I love this. I totally do this too. And the imaginary scenario always ends with who ever I'm temporarily stalking falling madly in love with me. Because I might be a little bit crazy. And narcissistic.

Jeanine Lebsack said...

I'm joining the ranks of professional people watching as well! I love to do this everywhere I go, especially Starbucks. People without even knowing it have inspired stories that I've published or lay in a draft folder. I love this PPB, excellent story and script writing skills. 😊

The Plagued Parent said...

I love this, we should aspire to be daydreamers and asshole romantics!