Mini things, 10 of them...

10 things everyone should know about the Princess Mini-Me aka the Mini

And I didn't say they were important things, just things you should know.

1 – She doesn’t eat vegetables.  Of any kind.  She claims that she eats corn and potatoes.  She will eat corn on the cob, ONLY, and she never eats all of it.  Also, corn is a starch.  I don’t consider it a vegetable. Potatoes?  HA!  Not even.  This is the only kid in the free world who doesn’t like mashed potatoes. Wait she does eat those instant cheese or garlic flavored mashed potatoes.  Yep, not a  vegetable or a potato. She eats french fries.  And, potatoes are a tuber.  Again, NOT a vegetable.  However, she insists they are.  She can not even be tricked into drinking those ‘V’ Capri suns or V8 Splash or any of that nonsense.  This is the same kid who used to eat green beans for dinner a few short years ago.  I can’t even process veggies and sneak them into things anymore.  She knows.  Whatever.

2 – Her favorite answer to any question about why she did something?  “Because I can”.  This infuriates the SAB to no end.  I laugh (this makes even more furious, ooops).  It’s just the first answer.  She will give you a real answer.  You just have to wait for it.  She’s all about the joke.  Not sure where that shit comes from.  

3-She can broad-jump 9 tiles in the grocery without running and 13 if she gets a running head start.  What?This is good fun.  Don’t go getting all judgey on me.  The grocery sucks.  We have to make our own fun. So, we do.  Ham-hat anyone?  Yes, a ham-hat is when you get a ham or a ½ ham and put it on your head and dance.  Yes, dance.  We also make hair ties and headbands from produce bags.  Yes, we wear them.  It’s awesome. 

4- The Mini desperately wants a dog and is completely terrified of dogs.  It’s Bananaland (See?).  I’m terrified of dogs myself so I get it.  Kind of.  I don’t want a dog though.  In her defense, she does want a little yap-yap dog.  Most of the dogs she’s afraid of are bigger dogs.  The kind that jump and bark really loud. Cause well, they’re scary.  Really.  However, the whole afraidofadog-wantadog thing?  Is weird. 

5-In her 10 short years, the Mini has traveled to Las Vegas, Chicago, Seattle, Jamaica, the Bahamas, Tennessee, South Carolina, Alaska, Italy (Venice, Rome, Florence, Pisa, Assisi & Verona) and all over the state of Florida.  Her greatest memory?  Making a hole in one at the Hillbilly Golf course in Gatlinburg, TN. Seriously.  Well, that and the time I ‘left’ her in Florence.  ‘Left’ her with her Father and Grandmother while I went to buy boots.  What?  It was Florence.  Hello.  Italian leather boots.  

6-The girl is a complete con artist.  Not like your everyday kid con artist.  Like a sneaky grown up con artist.  She could talk a dog off a meat wagon. (don’t laugh, I know you like my ole’ hillbilly line)  I kid you not this child will argue, lie and even make up shit to get you to buy whatever she’s selling.  At the end of the day she’ll come clean.  But, you MUST go through the entire circle of fucktard prior to getting there.  It makes me tired.  However, I kinda like it.  And, it’s funny.  

7-The Mini can cry on demand.  Like really cry.  Full on facey-frowny, tears and the wailing.  It is a cool thing to watch.  The transformation is amazing.  Yes, she lets me watch the fakeness.  And then she forgets that I’ve seen it and tries to use it on me.  She’s 10.  Smart, but 10.  I win every time.  

8-This child is terrified of loud noises.  The vacuum freaks her out totally.  She has to crawl up on the bed or the couch when the SAB or I are vacuuming.  Once it’s on for a few minutes, she’s ok.  She’s getting better. I’ve even gotten her to use the vacuum a few times so she knows it’s not going to eat her.  Or is it?  The hairdryer.  The child will get out of her bed to come and close the bathroom door so she doesn’t have to hear the dreaded hairdryer.  I’m beginning to wonder if she isn’t so much afraid of these noises but that these noises annoy her.  Shit, they annoy me too.  Inventors, where are the silencers for small appliances?  Come on.  If they make silencers for guns why can’t they make one for my hairdryer?  Really.  I have questions.  

9-She is mostly computer & video game illiterate.  She can play video games and get on-line and do some basics but it just isn’t her thing.  She becomes bored easily and gets way too aggravated for video games. (Her patience is a lil thin) Also, searching for stuff on the internet and then choosing it?  Is way too much like work.  School work.  She wants no part.  Her Pou (pet turd – shut up, it IS a pet turd – Google it) is about her most adventurous feat. She has a tablet that she breaks at least a week, a DSi that she plays games on but mostly uses it for the camera/video, and an ipod (she does love the tunes).  However, her ipod hardly has any songs so she just helps herself to mine. Rather than go on the dreaded internet and CHOOSE HER OWN MUSIC, she just uses mine.  Pfffffttt.  Best part of her electronic issue?  The kid can run really fast, jump far (see #3 above), ride her bike backward, swim like a fish (in a pool, not WITH the fish), dance all over the house like she’s in a musical and watch the hell outta some ‘My Little Pony’, ‘Joseph’, ‘Mulan’ and ‘The Littlest Pet Shop’.  She likes to play Barbies and ponies and pretend games and draw.  She draws pictures everywhere. And on everything.  *proud Momma beams* 

Now, if I could only get her to read a book.  *sigh*

10-The Mini loves hats.  All kinds of hats.  Baseball caps, derby hats, fedoras, big hats, little hats and obviously…ham-hats.  With the hats?  She likes glasses.  You know these clear glass glasses they have all over the place now?  Those.  Every time she gets a few extra dollars her butt is off to the store to buy glasses & hats.  And she wears them with her weirdo outfits.  You know, the suspenders and mismatched socks? Yep, that’s my kid.  She rocks.  Just like her Momma.  Really.  I know stuff. 

The Mini.  She made this herself on PicMonkey.  She really does rock!