Friday, March 13, 2015

I'm an asshole and I have an opinion


In my opinion…opinions don’t matter

The definition of an opinion is: a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Don’t hate me.  I don’t know.  My opinions get me in trouble. 
I don’t know what I think.  I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not even sure I believe it.
Maybe I’m a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, a liar.   I don’t know. 

My opinions are strong.  That’s me, opinionated.  I always have been.  Since I was a child I’ve known exactly what I liked or didn’t like about a situation, a person, a hairstyle, clothes, ideas and I’m quick to share them with anyone who will listen. Are my opinions right?  Can opinions be right or wrong?  Who cares?  I don’t.  They’re just opinions and I have no fucking clue.

*Note – because of my strong and what are considered somewhat negative opinions, I am learning to keep most of them to myself (meds) but when asked, I am truthful and might go a bit too far.  

I have hated Taylor Swift for so long that I no longer remember why.  My passionate un-love for karaoke and the people who sing it is so deep that you’d think I had a parent killed in an untimely karaoke accident.  People who watch shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette make me want to punch them.  Why are my opinions on such trivial matters so strong?  In reality, I don’t care if you sit in your underwear, on fire, and participate in any of these activities. 

 My opinions are important to me, I think.  They were at least important to me at one time.  Deep down I wonder if still actually believe them or do I just repeat them because it’s what I know. 

I will create an opinion based on my relationship with person requesting my opinion, or based on my personal reaction to the question.  How did the question make me feel on that particular day? My opinions are based on attitude, emotions, thoughts, nothing.  It depends.  I change my opinion constantly.  It keeps me busy. 

I cannot stand her. Will she ever shut up? I want to stab her in the eye with my fork, repeatedly. What is in her hair? What’s wrong with her toes? She’s fatter than me.  Does she have a mirror? Those shoes are ugly. Her husband is an asshole too. I bet their marriage won’t last. How does he put up with her nagging ass? I bet they never have sex. Why are these people talking to me? 

-          Opinions floating in my cranium within 15 seconds of meeting someone new

Totally close minded opinions but because of the situation or my mindset at the time, I hate her and I hate her stupid husband too.

I will totally answer a question in regards to my opinion with a sarcastic and totally false answer because I think it’s funny.  Is this lying?  I don’t think it so because I know it’s true and that’s really all that counts, I think. 

 For example, a simple question at party –

Q: “What’s your opinion on porn”? (This would totally happen in my circles)

A: “The only porn I watch is the porn I star in”.

I will continue to have a 20 minute in-depth conversation in regards to porn; neither pro nor con, just information.  People who know me will know that is totally me being a complete asshole.  It’s what I do. The problem is that I have no problem flapping my facehole with strangers who do not understand the glory and complexity of the asshole that is me so these people have now formed the opinion that I am a porn queen.  I am not.  I don’t watch porn, I’m not a porn advocate, and I’ll even go as far as to say that I’m completely against porn.  Or am I?  Regardless, I go for the joke and sometimes I pay for it later because I’m forced to stick with that opinion because, eeh gads, I don’t want to be labeled a hypocrite.  Alas, people continue to think I am who I am not. 

My opinions are important to me, I think.  They were at least important to me at one time.  Deep down I wonder if still actually believe them or do I just repeat them because it’s what I know. 

My snap judgment opinions are often times mood based.  Totally fucked but I can’t help it.  Say its day 1 of the pre-shark-week battle in my uterus and I casually get asked what I think of a restaurant.  My answer will be something to the effect of “I don’t have money for restaurants” or “I don’t give a shit about food” said with a snarly growl and saliva dripping from my fangs.  I’m pretty sure this isn’t nice and I will usually apologize later and reopen the subject for discussion.  Sometimes it does get skipped over and these people are left believing that I hate my favorite get-my-grub-on place because…vagina. I need a warning sign or a shirt that says “Don’t ask me shit” for these days.  It’s no fault of the question asker but when I’m in a mood, nobody goes unscathed.  My opinions are scary as hell during my wrath. 

If some mouth breathing jack-wagon I barely consider asks my opinion on something, they are going to get a bullshit answer and I don’t give a rat’s ass if they believe me.  This can be a boss, a mutual friend, a co-worker, or someone I know casually.  I will answer the question like the asshole that I am.  I mean let me be honest here, if some fuck-nugget is asking me about a bar that I like, the opinion I give of that bar will be false.  Do I want to see aforementioned fuck-nugget chugging a cold one at a place where I hang; trying to chat me up while I’m enjoying a night out with the girls; obtaining the knowledge that I drink and swear more than the average trucker? Hell.  No.   In addition, if said person asks what I think about anything, I will totally make up some bizarre opinion just to fuck with them.  Remember, I don’t like this person. They can think I believe in candy cane people, ghost fucking, and the curse of the horse cock.  It’s not my job to care what they think.  This too, gets me knee deep in the hoopla.   

Don’t hate me.  I don’t know.  My opinions get me in trouble. 
I don’t know what I think.  I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not even sure I believe it.
Maybe I’m a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, a liar.   I don’t know. 

I have been known to take the opposite opinion of someone just to be different.  I am a fan of playing devil’s advocate. This causes my opinions to be misconstrued.  Misconstrued by people because people are stupid.  Yes that’s my opinion, a fairly accurate one but my opinion all the same.  Just because I take the opposing side in a discussion does not mean that I necessarily agree with the opposing side.  Hello, dumbass.  If I am to be completely honest, I have been known to come off with “Oh, I love that” just because it’s not your thing.  I’m not saying its right or even sane, I’m just saying that I’ve done it and I’m sure I’ll do it again. 

Sometimes I just give absolutely zero shits about the subject being discussed and instead of shutting my fat mouth, I do it. I do that thing where I shout out to the world (or a few people) my opinion based on totally nothing. “I totally hate that and I think you’re an asshole for liking it”.  Not only do I give my opinion on the subject I will also make you feel a douche for your opinion, just because. These are the opinions I vehemently defend because when I make up shit, I’m going to back up my shit.

Don’t hate me.  I don’t know.  My opinions get me in trouble. 
I don’t know what I think.  I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not even sure I believe it.
Maybe I’m a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, a liar.   I don’t know. 

More often than not I get off my ass and base an opinion on actual thought and information.  (I care about stuff) These opinions are not to be confused with fact because interpretations of information are subjective.  Most people do not comprehend this simple concept. If it’s a fact; it is not an opinion. An opinion can be based on some facts.  Wake up, John Q Public, and pull your oversized head out of your ass.  When it comes to subjects like politics, religion, current events, and news, I believe people’s opinions should be based on knowledge gained through research and some facts.  In order to have an intelligence based conversation that includes opinions, I prefer to be aware of some shit. If your opinion in these instances is based on some bullshit story you heard in the lunchroom at work, on social media or that you were told by your granny on her deathbed?  I have no patience for you and I will not engage. 

My opinions are important to me, I think.  They were at least important to me at one time.  Deep down I wonder if still actually believe them or do I just repeat them because it’s what I know. 

I am not usually (never) open to other people’s opinions.  I don’t give a fuck what you think.  Sure I’ll listen and nod my head and I might even value your opinion but that’s what it is, your opinion. I’ve created my opinions and they’re what I believe.  If you believe something different than I do, that’s great.  Don’t go all door-to-door religion salesperson on me.  Sometimes, (All the time) I change my opinions.  It’s human nature, I think.

Don’t hate me.  I don’t know.  My opinions get me in trouble. 
I don’t know what I think.  I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not even sure I believe it.
Maybe I’m a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, a liar.   I don’t know. 

My opinions while loud, snarky, bitchy, often totally off base, sometimes frightening, and most times total bullshit, are still my opinions. Do not take them literally and don’t get all freaked out about them.  Don’t sweat anybody’s opinion for that matter.  If you don’t want or can’t handle an opinion, don’t ask for it. Depending on my mood (no meds), you might still get mine. Remember, opinions change.  Does it make us all hypocrites?  Even though I think I don’t know, I don’t think so.  And so what if it does.  It’s only an opinion. 
  • Tea in a can tastes like ass
  • I love cake and ice cream
  • Books should be bound or they aren’t books
  • Country music blows dead hobos
  • I prefer short hair on both men and women
  • I believe that most romance movies are corny, unbelievable, and boring
  • Animal hair is unsanitary and it skeeves me
  • I believe there is good in people
  • I think karma is real
  • Life is too short for fake cheese
  • My favorite color is brown
  • Epic, douche canoe, cray cray, bae, boo, and awesome sauce, are overused and ridiculous
  • Valentine’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Sweetest Day, Kid’s Day and all the other made up days are bullshit, not holidays
  • People who base their political beliefs on what they’ve heard and not what they know to be true, are fucking idiots
  • People who put too much faith into organized religion are scary
  • I don’t understand people who say that water tastes badly
  • Real butter; there is no substitute
  • In some weight-loss before/after pictures I prefer the before
  • In most instances I don’t find tattoos attractive
  • Barry Manilow pumps my non-existent gonads 
These are my opinions.  Might they piss you off?  Might they be totally ridiculous?  Sure. Suck it and move on. 

The definition of an opinion: a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t throw this out there: “Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks”.  – While corny and lame (my opinion), there’s a reason it was created. 

I don’t know if there are others who think like I do but if you don’t, do me a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. 


 PPB aka The Precious Princess - The Princess is a twice divorced, recently dumped, recently unemployed, currently a temp, self-proclaimed member of the mentally hilarious. She has been referred to as living under a rock stocked with vodka and anger. Her 12 year old “Mini”, who is carbon copy of the Princess, is often the subject of blogs, and Facebook posts. In addition, she writes about dating, the dumbness of boys, life after 40, and shares stories from Bananaland which is both her past and current residence. She is the owner/sole admin for the Facebook page Precious Princess's Guide to Bananaland where she is famous for her rants and her blunt, honest, and sarcastic look at life. She blogs both extremely funny and all-the-feels posts at Princess Bananaland. She hates people, kids, and karaoke. She uses all the swears and makes up dirty words. Eventually when she’s done being sloth-like, she will write a book. Be afraid.



4 comments:

Gary Mathews said...

I hear ya on holidays bunch on nonsense. You sound a like riot, you need to spend a day at my local Wal-Mart and give your opinion of the people.

mamazombie1965 said...

Holy shit! Are we related?! Great piece. But that's just my opinion. ✌

Just a minute...my cape is in the dryer! said...

Your opinions are usually dead on. In my opinion:)

Jeanine Lebsack said...

I believe that an opinion holds our core belief in who we are. Of course this is only my opinion but some people will fight for that right to be who they are regardless of what their opinion is on the topic discussed. I think the most important etiquette in stating an opinion is that the person actually listen to what's being said. Some people will just tune out the persons opinion because they hear it as wrong. I recently shared an opinion with my sister. She didn't want to hear it, even though I had facts to back it up. It didn't fit in with her core beliefs and wouldn't even entertain the idea that I might me factually correct. I had realized after a night of spending time with her and a friend that she questioned my opinion or something I said on everything. It made me realize since Im younger and the "baby sister" she never would respect or listen to my opinion. I think it's wonderful you can state your opinion so freely. While most will hide behind the fear of things they think they should've said, life's too short for the bullshit! ��