Thursday, April 11, 2013

Standardized Testing is Bullshit



Standardized Testing? I call bullshit


Okay, so next week here in the good ole’ sunshine state? Is FCAT testing. FCAT stands for Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. OR? Fuckedup Crap-Ass Tool. (see? I make up acronyms too. Multi-talented, I rock). Do you know what this means? This means for the next week and half (yes, they start the torture early) I have to deal with a completely wigged out, paranoid 10 year old. This would be completely awesome if I was the cause of the aforementioned wiggyness and I could sit back and laugh. But, nooooo, the school takes away all the damn fun. The teachers & staff drive the children to the brink of insanity because if they do not pass this series of ridiculous tests? They will FAIL. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. (this, btw, makes no sense cause’ we have that whole “no child left behind things".


In addition to making the children insane? This year, they have given the parents some tasks. Areyoufuckingkiddingme? Like seriously? I don’t have enough dumb shit in my life. I need to be harassed by educators. But, of course I’m going to be the most bestest mommy ever and follow the instructions put before me…



 My 1st, 2nd and 3rd thoughts? Phhhhhhhhtttt. What kinda parents do they think we are. And then? Realization. There ARE some clueless motherfuckers out there. Anyway, yay, we have an assignment. And being the OCD crazy mom that I am, I got right to work.  See below...
 




I did a good job, right? I know stuff. I’m sure these notes will be very encouraging. Or, my 10 year old Mini-me will get kicked out of school. It could go either way. These people have no sense of humor. In addition, I will make sure I boil the eye of newt prior to school on these days so the Mini will get a nice hot breakfast with plenty of protein. Not sure what to do about the whole bed EARLY thing. She goes to bed plenty early but I have no idea when she actually falls asleep. Should I put in a camera? Sit by the bed? I’ll be nail biting until I get this all figured out. (see? The stress is spreading)


In closing, (yes, finally) I love my child beyond belief. She is the sole reason I exist. I honestly feel sorry for her during these terrible FCAT times. I really do. She does get very nervous and actually kinda creepy. But, in the end? She's gonna have to suck it up buttercup. I had to do this crap and I lived. I turned out just fine. She will too. See?

 All is well in Bananaland.


 

6 comments:

Dre said...

Ah yes we have said testing the ISAT from 4/10 - 5/10. No idea when/if it will happen. It's like ovulating or something. My kid? "Eh, it's just stupid testing it's not like it matters." That's the spirit. Totally the spirit to get into Harvard.
~It's Why You Like Me

L. Reeves said...

I feel ya cuz, Lex has them the same week, I call bullshit with you!!!! But I don't get to send cool notes like you!!! Give Mini our love and sympathies!!!! Love you guys!!!!!

Amanda said...

Ugh, I remember those awful tests *shudder*

Denise G said...

I used to be a teacher in Florida. Please give the teachers a break. :) They are being yelled at and pushed to the brink and told they could lose their job over the stupid test. Instead, direct your frustration at Jeb Bush who helped create the stupid ass FCAT (that teachers hate too, and trust me they think it is ignorant to retain a student based off one exam) and your current governor who continues to push the tests and wants teacher evals based off said test. I'm so glad I'm no longer a teacher because of the FCAT. Anyhow, you did goo. I hope your daughter did well.

Found you via the Tattler blog hop.

Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Lol! I love teachers. I think they should be paid more and take less shit. I'm seriously hoping we get Charlie Crist back. I've had enough of Governor Crazy Eyes aka Rick Scott. He scares the poop outta me and what he's done for teachers? NOTHING. Ready for some new blood. I'm lucky that my daughter goes a good school with teachers who actually do care. They still pissed me off by making me write letters though. All this homework wears me out! Thanks for stopping by

Joy Christi said...

We have these kinds of things in Illinois, and the teachers TRY to make the kids feel bad, but my son doesn't give a flying frick about these tests, just as he doesn't give a frick about ALL THE THINGS! In the long run, you are better off with a child that WANTS to do well in school.
Your notes are so cute, what a good mom!