Standardized Testing? I call bullshit
Okay, so next week here in the good ole’ sunshine state? Is FCAT testing. FCAT stands for Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. OR? Fuckedup Crap-Ass Tool. (see? I make up acronyms too. Multi-talented, I rock). Do you know what this means? This means for the next week and half (yes, they start the torture early) I have to deal with a completely wigged out, paranoid 10 year old. This would be completely awesome if I was the cause of the aforementioned wiggyness and I could sit back and laugh. But, nooooo, the school takes away all the damn fun. The teachers & staff drive the children to the brink of insanity because if they do not pass this series of ridiculous tests? They will FAIL. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. (this, btw, makes no sense cause’ we have that whole “no child left behind things".
In addition to making the children insane? This year, they have given the parents some tasks. Areyoufuckingkiddingme? Like seriously? I don’t have enough dumb shit in my life. I need to be harassed by educators. But, of course I’m going to be the most bestest mommy ever and follow the instructions put before me…
I did a good job, right? I know stuff. I’m sure these notes will be very encouraging. Or, my 10 year old Mini-me will get kicked out of school. It could go either way. These people have no sense of humor. In addition, I will make sure I boil the eye of newt prior to school on these days so the Mini will get a nice hot breakfast with plenty of protein. Not sure what to do about the whole bed EARLY thing. She goes to bed plenty early but I have no idea when she actually falls asleep. Should I put in a camera? Sit by the bed? I’ll be nail biting until I get this all figured out. (see? The stress is spreading)
In closing, (yes, finally) I love my child beyond belief. She is the sole reason I exist. I honestly feel sorry for her during these terrible FCAT times. I really do. She does get very nervous and actually kinda creepy. But, in the end? She's gonna have to suck it up buttercup. I had to do this crap and I lived. I turned out just fine. She will too. See?
All is well in Bananaland.