Tuesday, December 10, 2013

2013 Bananaland Christmas Letter

Each year for the past 15 years or so I have sent out a Christmas letter. Yes, a written letter inside a real Christmas card that you mail via USPS with a stamp. You remember, right?

Nobody reads that shit. I know because family members, friends, etc…will ask me shit. Shit that was in the letter. This year, I’ve decided I’m going to write my letter and post it here. On my blog. Cause you guys will read it. Well, some of you. Some is better than ‘the none’ who usually read it. So there.

2013 – Bananaland , a year in review… Our year began like it usually does. With too little money, no resolutions (disappointment & failure are for the birds, folks) and the kids. I hate kids.

The SAB and I began the year with a 3 day trip to Savannah, GA. It was our Christmas gift to each other. It was awesomewonderful and awesome & wonderful. We did none of the “touristy” bullshit. High priced stores, bars & restaurants on the river? We walked by ‘em. We’re poor. We hung in town. With the locals. At the bars & shit. Cause we rock. If you haven’t been there, you should go. Really. I know stuff.

I’ll be honest, I don’t think any other shit happened until around March when we spend the weekend in Mt. Dora, FL for the SAB’s birthday. There, we met Amy the fuck girl. Yep, that’s her name. Well, it’s the name we gave her. Cause, well, we couldn’t stop saying fuck. And she was there. So…Amy the fuck girl she became. She’s on the page. Pay attention. You’ll see her. She’s the reason that crazy fucking Bus Driver To Hell found me. Yep, small world.

Hold the phone! I totally forgot. In February, I met two of the most bestest friends I have ever known.  Pink Fuzzy Slippers and My Hubby's Pants and It's Why You Like Me. (The Admins behind the page not the actual page cause that would be weird.) We talk every day. Seriously. Even though they are like really far away, they are great support and they’re both total bitches so we all rock together. XX, ladies.

Also in February, I quit my 2nd job. It was much needed relief. Even though we desperately needed the money, the time spent away from home was really affecting the Mini. Also, I was worn out, exhausted, abused and just plain tired. After 3.5 years of working two jobs, finally, I could live again. Yay.

In the spring, the SAB and I began the long drawn out process of taking care of our (really bad) finances so that we can begin anew. The SAB finished up his bankruptcy over the summer and mine should be complete around April, 2014. I will lose my house then so if any of you guys need some roommates - *waving* Totally kidding. About the roommate thing. (For now) We will be moving in with the Drunken Queen (my mommy). Yes, all of us. Living together. I’ll have lots to write about, snort!

We managed to save some pennies so that over the Summer we could take the little kids on a good old fashioned family vacation. Yeah, that sucked. We (Me, the SAB & the Drunken Queen) had a really fabulous time.  Click here to read about vacation. The children, however, we’re not impressed. They whined, moaned, bitched, complained and acted like, well, kids. My feelings (Yes, I have them) were totally hurt. I know a week ONTHEBEACH at a beautiful resort with 2 pools, games, food, and did I mention ONTHEBEACH, is really shitty. These kids really did me in. I’m still not over it. We will NOT be taking them on another vacation for a good, long time. I hate kids.

We have been spending lots more time with the SAB’s oldest daughter, “my favorite”. Why is she “my favorite”? Because, she is grown and lives somewhere else. In all seriousness, she’s pretty cool. And did I mention that she’s grown and lives somewhere else?

In October the SAB’s parents moved from South Carolina back home to Florida. This pleases me even though I’m not a fan of parents in general. What? One of my original dating rules was to only date men whose parents were dead or lived out of the country. Don’t ask why. You KNOW. However, it pleases me cause’ we don’t have to go to the dreaded South Carolina to visit them anymore. Win!

This year instead of gifts we opted for a weekend trip (not a vacation) away with the little girls to visit museums and check out some cultural shit in Orlando. Much cheaper and just think of all the special memories we’ll create, AKA: I’ll have some good shit to write about next year. Oh and if you see them, don’t mention it. It’s a surprise. K? K.

The Mini is hangin’ in. Her grades are falling in a couple of classes this year. It may be the new Common Core Standards that have begun in the schools and it may be……puberty (She’s a total ass). And it may be her teacher who I think is an idiot. (She is) Whatever it is, it has been a rough fuckin’ year with this kid. Fer real. We have begun the whipping into shape.

Red continues to do well in school. Also, she has figured out how to complete a complete & utter smartass. It’s awesome. She’s really takin’ this mouthy kid thing all the way. Wait, we already had one of those (see above). *sigh* Thistooshallpass.

The SAB and I are doing well. Like very well. No, we’re still not married. Stop asking.

Looking forward to seeing some of you over the holiday…

Enjoy your holiday season and as you enter into the New Year, remember…DON’T BE A CUNT.


Pink Fuzzy Slippers and My Hubby's Pants said...

Love you! I am so thankful we three whores found each other!!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like an awesome year to me! I hope the mini gets the hang of it at school, my son is on a similar ride, his grades are dropping and I'm blaming it on my job because I have a crappy schedule and unable to really be there for him when he gets home from school.
May you have a great Christmas PBB!