The Precious Princess's Guide to Bananaland

Complete and utter nonsense rambling about kids, boys, work and other stuff I find particularly funny...

  • Home
  • PPB's guide to local cuisine
  • PPB's Good Eats
  • Miniwisdom
  • Sexytime
  • Free Fun Tips.
  • I hate kids
  • Visit Me on Facebook
  • Tweet With Me
  • Dating is Underwhelming

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I hate kids...

I hate kids…
 
Conjures up a buncha ideas, doesn’t it?  Makes you think I’m a bad, bad person, doesn’t it?  Don’t be judgey. 
 
I don’t hate kids for like the real reasons one would hate kids.  You know?  Sticky hands, stinky feet, they eat everything in the damn house, they cost a fortune, they lose every fucking thing you’ve ever bought them, they don’t listen, they talk shit, they argue, they cry, they take up all your time and the list goes on (I’m a busy woman, I don’t have all day here).  I hate kids simply…because I hate ‘em.  Let me splain.  (Yep, I watched I Love Lucy, too)
 
Here goes…one day the Sexy American boyfriend and I were relaxing and watching our two lovely kidlets play (ie – hit each other with sticks) and we looked at each other and stated…”I hate kids”.  (I knew right then he was the ONE)  Our kids (below) Precious, ain’t they?  All molesty on Elvis and stuff.  Damn kids.  See?  See what I'm talkin' about here?
 
 

   
Okay, so if that’s not enough?  Kids?  They want us to play with them and do stuff for them and they talk. They talk a lot.  Like, they never stop.  And, they beg us for stuff.  Are you with me on this yet?  No? Okay, keep reading.  I'll get you, I will.  Promise.  I know stuff.
  
My beautiful (now 10 year old) Mini has been a dancer (to the tune of $4,000/year), a gymnast (for like 30 minutes a day one month), and a cheerleader (for which I had to travel the state and spend $ that I didn’t have).  Currently, she’s a Girl Scout.  This is pretty good, cause’ it’s cheap and I don’t have to attend meetings. They actually asked if I wanted to attend a meeting once. My answer “hell no, I hate kids”.  I mean, aren’t we sending these kids to activities to get away from them for a minute?  DAYUM.  I do, however, attend all the fun field trips and the leaders love me.  I’m mean as hell mom and all those damn kids listen when I’m around.  I’ll take it, fuckyouverymuch.  See the Mini below.  If this doesn't get ya?  Nothin' will.
  
 
 
So, do you get it yet?  Why I hate kids?  Come on…it’s not that hard.  I’m fucking jealous.  With every ounce of my being, I am completely and utterly jealous.  Kids get to do whatever the hell they want, whenever they want and how they want (this is awesomeness). You’re getting it now, right?  I don’t hate the actual kids at all (in fact, I love them and I wanna be them).  I hate that I am not one. Don’t mistake this for wanting to younger, no, that’s not it.  Free of responsibilities.  Able to hit my friend with a stick and not be sued.  And, totally molest Elvis (which I did, of course, duh, I'm not dead) Ahhhh, the life.   And, if you don’t “hate kids” too?  You’re a liar.  You know it.  I mean really?  Look at this damn kid.  He digs it the most. (Stay outta the sink guys, the police and fire departments are busy)

And, now you when you see "I hate kids..." on my FB page or in future blogposts?  You can say "Oh, cool, I hate kids too"
Posted by Precious Princess of Banananland at 1:31 PM
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

18 comments:

It's why you like me said...

I totally hate kids. And teenagers. I really hate teenagers. They get to be assholes and people just shrug and go "Ah, a teenager". All assholes.

April 9, 2013 at 2:19 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Exactly. That's what I used to say all the time. My kid is an asshole. And? She is. Just like me :)

April 9, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Unknown said...

Funny your mammy was just saying the same thing about you the other day..

April 9, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Shannon said...

I hate kids too!! You hit that one right on! Fucking kids. And all mine do is tell me they can't wait till they grow up. What?!! They have NO idea. Just wait littles. Just wait and then you will be chardged with little assholes of your own and I will laugh and laugh.

April 9, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

And laugh. Damn kids. They really have no idea. Sigh...

April 9, 2013 at 9:03 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Shaddap. You dating my mom?

April 9, 2013 at 9:04 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

And laugh. Damn kids. They really have no idea. Sigh...

April 9, 2013 at 9:04 PM
Shannon said...

Fucking Tab. Charge. Not chardge. They really should install spell check on my tab. Asshole.

April 9, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Sara said...

Ugh I hate them too. They don't pay bills. And they don't have to worry about alarm clocks because hot bitches wake them up in the morning with pancakes. I'm that hot bitch that has to make the pancakes. AND PAY FOR THEM.
UGh.
Jerks.

April 11, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Exactly. Lil assholes. Ahhhhhhh.

April 11, 2013 at 2:37 PM
Akashic Aisle: The Basement View said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! This is PRECISELY the hate-talk I was expecting to find here. Well done. I'll be scouring your blog for more hate just as soon as I'm done talking about myself...

I think most people, deep down in their dark human-hearts, loathe children. I haven't been blogging for long (a year, maybe five). I have a total of 69 measely posts, but the second most viewed with almost 1200 views(!) was the one about how disgusting children are. So, see? No one wants to be the one to say it...but we're ALL thinking it.

April 12, 2013 at 2:41 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Baaaaaa. That is awesome. I'll check yer blog out when I get a minute. We have shithead kids this weekend.

April 13, 2013 at 11:06 AM
Unknown said...

Awesome! That is all :-)

Found you on the hump day hookup

Domesticated Breakdown

June 5, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Thanks for stoppin!

June 5, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Unknown said...

wait... can I join the iI hate kids party too? Also the mean as hell mom on field trips... thats so me! I do confess I kinda hate other people's kids, well if they're assholes.. Just sayin'
Thanks for hooking up to the HUmp Day Hook Up.

June 6, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Unknown said...

Yes, it's amazing how having kids will make you hate kids. Great post,thanks for linking up with the Tattler Thursday Blog Hop. I'll be following. (ImNoHumdrum-Mum: Co-Hostess.)

June 23, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

You're on, Molley. Join the club. And, Shhhh, I hate other people's kids too ;)

June 23, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Whoo hoo. Thanks for stopping. Love the Thursday Tattler!

June 23, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Save me to Pinterest

Some Stuff

Precious Princess of Banananland
I am a self-proclaimed member of the mentally hilarious. I have been referred to as living under a rock stocked with vodka and anger when in reality I live under a rock stocked with vodka, anger, and pizza. I have shithead 15 year old girl kid and we live in what I lovingly refer to as Bananaland. Bananaland is more a state of mind than a physical place. I’ve lived there FORever. Read a few posts, you’ll see. Promise. I know stuff. Also, I hate people. And karaoke. Oh, and I hate kids. I'm not a mommy blogger, but I will blog about the kids. Anyway, I'll add more later. I'm gonna go write stuff. Incidentally? That's why I'm here. I've always wanted to write a book. And I'm funny. And cute (that really doesn't matter, but you should know). Soooo, here I am.
View my complete profile

Read this Stuff

  • Dating Profile Dont's
    I have joined the throng of weird motherfuckers on the dating websites.  Mostly for research but I’m having a blast.  I’ve never met so man...
  • What Facebook did for me...
    Okay, so I chose this subject to be the point of my very first blogpost.  Yes, for a few reasons. 1 - You get a lil background into Banana...
  • I'm sorry - a 60 second drive-thru experience
    To the guy behind me in the McDonalds drive-thru (Yes, I eat fast food.  I'm fat and poor, shut it), I'm sorry.    So many thoughts ...
  • Linda-isms: Shit My Mother said and I believed...
    My Mother.  For whom Bananaland is named.  Where or where do I begin?  She's one of a kind.  I love her dearly, I'm very proud of al...
  • My Self-Imposed Sexual Sabbatical
    I don’t remember the exact moment my sabbatical from sex began.  Or even why it happened.  I love the sex.  After my divorce several years ...
  • Angst
    It's been months since I've put pen to paper or opened my laptop. I'm tired.  I'm depressed.  I wake up every day searchin...
  • Jimbo the amazing "not so stepfather"
    I hate JRC.  I hate JC.  (yes, these were his initials) That's what my diary said for about an entire year after my mom remarried in ...
  • Dating - Part Duece - You know you've been single too long if...
    You don't know the definition of dating.  This is really the first step if you're going to date.  It's not difficult to know. ...
  • A letter to some boys
    Dear Men boys, I like most of you.  I do.  A lot.  I know that one of you out there was made just for me.  “A good man.   A true man....

#PPB

#PPB

Follow this blog with bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin

You can read my older stuff

  • ►  2016 (3)
    • ►  July (1)
    • ►  March (1)
    • ►  February (1)
  • ►  2015 (24)
    • ►  December (1)
    • ►  September (1)
    • ►  July (1)
    • ►  June (2)
    • ►  May (2)
    • ►  April (7)
    • ►  March (4)
    • ►  February (3)
    • ►  January (3)
  • ►  2014 (12)
    • ►  December (2)
    • ►  November (1)
    • ►  September (1)
    • ►  August (2)
    • ►  July (1)
    • ►  June (1)
    • ►  April (1)
    • ►  March (3)
  • ▼  2013 (35)
    • ►  December (3)
    • ►  November (2)
    • ►  October (2)
    • ►  September (4)
    • ►  August (6)
    • ►  July (4)
    • ►  June (3)
    • ►  May (4)
    • ▼  April (7)
      • creepy. date. night.
      • The bathroom thing...
      • The Electronics Debacle of 2013
      • Standardized Testing is Bullshit
      • I hate kids...
      • Fatshittyattitude turned Comfortandconfidence
      • What Facebook did for me...

Blogs I dig the mostest

  • A Mother Life
  • Comfytown Chronicles
  • Cut My Milk
  • Holdin Holden
  • Insane in the Mom Brain
  • Just a Minute My Cape is in the Dryer
  • Kelley's Breakroom
  • Original Bunker Bunks
  • Pink Fuzzy Slippers and My Hubby's Pants
  • Punk Rock Papa
  • Sippy Cups and Booze
Princessbanalanad.com and all bullshit stories told are copyrighted by the Precious Princess. Picture Window theme. Theme images by suprun. Powered by Blogger.