1 - You get a lil background into Bananaland as it currently exists
2- You'll get to see how awesomely brilliant I am
3- My sick sense of humor (and well, everything) will be revealed right from the get go
4- Single moms need love too
I got divorced in 2009 (yay) and until the Winter of 2010, I was desperately, insanely, whorely (I know it isn't a word, it fits, shut it) SINGLE. Yes, I was the epitome of" the divorcee'." I did the loser-y meetguysyourmomknows, met friends of friends, dated people I already knew (there is a whole other reason you never dated these people) and had an outstanding number of 1night stands (my choice, guys can do it...why can't I?).
Somewhere in mid 2010, I made a decision. No "dating" like seriously. I'm gonna go on dates, have dinner, have drinks enjoy the single life, meet people and "practice" (I was married for 12 years, come on) my dating skills. I joined a fancy (ie - free) dating website and proceeded to date (not bang - date. let's be clear) my way through the state. Internet dating? Everyone should do it. If it isn't on your bucket list? Add it. It's hysterical. (If you're single of course - they have other websites for scum like you)
Sometime in December, 2011 ... I had "met" or become friendly with a few lovely gentlemen. I had been on dates with most and had continued to correspond with all. Now this? This made me feel kinda like that whorey thing. Soooo, had to get my OCD on. I created a spreadsheet. Do's, dont's, likes, dislikes, pluses, minuses, you know? All the info. In a spreadsheet. So I could compare. (shut up, you'd have done it if you were in the same situation and were insane like me). Anyhow, spreadsheet and all moved into the new year, 2011.
On January 3rd of 2011, I received a FB friend request from a dude I didn't know. (and as whorey as I may have been? I didn't accept friend requests from peeps I didn't know. I didn't say it made sense, keep reading) He looked familiar and soon I found out why. A month or so prior, he had added me to his favorites on that ole internet dating site, but never contacted me. This intrigued me. I'm fucking cute. Why wouldn't he contact me? This was bullshit. Youcantalwaysgetwhatyouwant syndrome happened. Although his profile pic looked like that of a creepy pedophile? His face said "I don't touch little boys, I just don't know how to dress, take a picture or use a comb". Also, his profile stated he was 6'3" (which by the way...total lie. he's 6'2") and I dig the shit out of a tall drink o' water. So, anyway, we had 2 mutual friends on FB (who didn't know each other either) so I said wtf? I accepted his request. From that moment...that stalker ass bitch never left me alone. I checked with both FB friends. One knew his ex and the other? Went to high school with him. (more on that later...)
3 days later, we met in person (because he conned me into breaking a date with one of my spreadsheet boys and...I'm easy. See "whorey" above). We met in a empty ass bar that really sucked and still? Awesome. It was pouring down rain and a Wednesday night and still? Awesome. And, my whole life changed. Our whole life changed. So, notthepedophile made the spreadsheet. It took about a week. I deleted the spreadsheet. Made the phone calls to the other spreadsheet boys (cause' I'm not a douche, man) and settled down with this dude. This FB dude. The winner of the spreadsheet diaries. LMAO
2.25 years later...Me and the FB dude? We are still together. He is now my SAB (sexy American boyfriend) and that is how he will be referred to in my blog posts on this site and on my FB page. Shortly after meeting, the SAB and I found out we went to the same High School. Even graduated the same year. 1988. Yes, we are old. We knew most of the same people. We just never met. Even through the years we hung out at the same places, worked next door to each other and lived close by. Still. Never met. It was like a "When Harry met Sally" life. Me and the SAB? We rock like butter, baby. Butter on a roll. FB did us good. Real good.
In June of 2014, the FB helped me again. After 3.5 with the SAB, I learned that he was a fake, a fraud, a scumbag, and a molester of women, men, and all the people. All through Facebook. So thanks again, FB...YOU ROCK.
So anyway, that's a piece of the puzzle (and btw, I could have written like 6 blog posts out of this one). There are so many more pieces. I hope you'll stick around and gather them.
Shit, you are never getting rid of him now. Ah well, might as well slather him in chocolate and enjoy (chocolate covered strawberry, if you don't get the food reference).
There are 2 reasons why I love you. 1-I can completely relate to this as I have been online dating for 4 years. 2-you totally just talked shit about your current boyfriend and he knows your once saw him as a stalking pedophile.
RIGHT? Thanks for reading ;). Xo
Online dating is a really bad carny ride, no? It's fun and a lil creepy. And, yes, that's why the SAB is still around. He gets it ;). Thank You!!!!
Know what I don't love? I posted a damn comment that I loved this & you and it's nowhere. I am not happy about this business. But I love that my worlds are colliding with my girl Casey & the PP. I'm proud of you PP, get your blog on!!!
Much love from It's why you like me!!!
That is bullshit. Call the Google policia. Now. ;). Thanks fer all the luv. :)
Sooo glad I found you on fb! You're too funny! If I ever found myself single again (which I hope I never do because I don't have time for that suck ass dating crap. It sucked when I was younger and it sounds like it still sucks now) I would totally OCD the shit out of a spreadsheet.
---Mommy Has Issues- OCD being one of them;)
LOL, I'm glad you found me too. And, DITTO. You have the perfect sense of humor. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry? And who has time for crying? Thanks for the support and the OCD share...LMAO
If you found a thirsty dog would you cover your SAB with marshmallow's and throw him in a fire?
Well, this makes me very happy......why, you say?simply because you love my golden egg and it is so evident that you belong together. I wish you both a world of happiness and love.
The Queen Bitch(CLS)
And so now you both are riddled with a multitude of STD's the Dr.'s haven't even heard of.LOL
The Spreadsheet Diaries...there's your book title! Love it!
Great story! Isn't it just crazy how these things go? I met my hubs at Match.com and I think it is a brilliant way to keep up with dating if you are single. My husband had a spreadsheet, I did not. I sent a few emails to Zach where I addressed him as Paul... Def should have used a spreadsheet;)
It was handy ;)
Love the spreadsheet idea-only because I am married to a Counting Mutant and they love those things. For some reason I couldn't see your pictures.
Ha. Me too. Accounting. Spreadsheets are the shit. Not sure with the pics. Host having issues. I can't see them either. Agggggghhhh. Thanks for stopping. Much appreciated.
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