Friday, April 10, 2015

Happy Muthafuckin Sibling Day

I don’t talk much about my sister because she’s an entertainer and all my fucks & anal leakage aren’t really good for her career.  Whatever. 
Because today is national sibling day, I will write about her a wee bit.  (Ha.  I said wee) 
Here are my most favoritest fucking things about my baby sister:

·         She has no children

·         She’s 10 years younger than me

·          She was born on February 14th (easy to remember)

·         She’s way purty (I like purty people)

·         Her boyfriend is really hot

·         She gives not one single fuck about how much money someone has, or how they look

·         She will play “Fashion Police” with me (yes, we make the siren noise and everything)

·         She has a disgustingly sick sense of humor (runs in the family?)

·         She has no children

·         She’s really tall so I can make corny jokes about her height (she still laughs)

·         She’s completely ADD so she never remembers anything I say so I say lots of stuff

·         She’s the fastest texter ever

·         She’s all perfect & pretty & will scarf down 4lbs of crab legs and a cheeseburger in one sitting

·         When we go to the gym (it has happened) she doesn’t talk (I hate talkers at the gym)

·         She has no children

·         She never pays attention so it’s really easy to get over on her (I would never take advantage of this, ha)

·         She lives far away from me (shaddap – we’d kill each other)

·         She buys really good gifts (she forgets to send them but they arrive – eventually)

·         She had the balls to have a knockdown, drag out, fight with a pregnant woman on top of a mountain in Switzerland (I was the pregnant woman)

·         She can drink a lot (not soda, duh)

·         She loves the beach (just like me)

·         She’ll eat all kindsa wacky assed food and then shove some in your mouth so you can try it too (even when you don’t want to)

·         She has no children

·         She’s seen me naked and said it wasn’t that bad (that’s a huge compliment – snort)

·         She left her cat with our mother when she moved (I did the same thing – sorry mom)

·         She thinks I’m funny

·         She finds really good shit and then tells me about it

·         She turns me on to cool music

And best of all she still claims me as her sister regardless of all the bullshit I talk.  Also, I’m still prettier than her.  So that.

PPB aka The Precious Princess - The Princess is a twice divorced, recently dumped, recently unemployed, self-proclaimed member of the mentally hilarious. She has been referred to as living under a rock stocked with vodka and anger. Her 12 year old “Mini”, who is carbon copy of the Princess, is often the subject of blogs, and Facebook posts. In addition, she writes about dating, the dumbness of boys, life after 40, and shares stories from Bananaland which is both her past and current residence. She is the owner/sole admin for the Facebook page Precious Princess's Guide to Bananaland where she is famous for her rants and her blunt, honest, and sarcastic look at life. She blogs both extremely funny and all-the-feels posts at Princess Bananaland. She hates people, kids, and karaoke. She uses all the swears and makes up dirty words. Be afraid.



Unknown said...

I like that she has no kids. Smart woman.

Anonymous said...

Does she have any kids?