Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Idle Chits & Chats, SUCK

Have you ever…

Sat someplace with a group of people that you had no interest in communicating with?

It’s a situation that happens to everyone at some point.  Unfortunately, it happens to me?  A lot.  I hate people.  I have no desire to participate in idle chit-chat about your (or my) mundane life.   I mean really.  I do laundry, have kids, cook meals, have sexy-time just like everybody else.  I don’t need to hear about how someone else performs these tasks.  Do I?  No.  I’m rather at peace with my own thoughts.  I can entertain myself.  It’s true.

The part I hate most in these situations is that people give me the stink-eye and such because I’m not a participat-er.  Like I’m some kind of damn freak (I am, just not about this) because I don't want to hear their shit.  I’m comfortable just sitting quietly and reading or looking at my phone or writing or thinking about my own sad life or anything rather than hear about how about how you just learned to make low-fat cheese balls.  I mean honestly here, I can’t be the only one.  Can I?  Also, I damn sure don’t want to know your opinions on religion, politics or what year Ford made the best Mustang.  I don’t care if your boyfriendgirlfriendwifehusband cheats/sleeps/leaves/eats too much.   I just don’t.  I have enough stuff going on in my own life that I can’t keep track of.  Now I’m expected to follow your shit too?   Mind your damn business you dirty ole' stink-eye givers.  Don’t hate me cause’ I have no interest in your game.   Oh and while you’re at it, go poop in a hat.  (I just love that. Poop.  In a hat.  Ha!)

Oh and the topics of discussion that usually occur in these situations?  PUHLEASE.  Why do people think that while sitting in a room with strangers or people you barely know is the time to bring up that fact that you are a die-hard right-winger or that you can only poop on Tuesday, or that you have to vomit every time you eat, or that you are highly allergic to dust?  I.  Don’t.  Care.   Also, I doubt anyone else cares.  Unless you have something to say that directly involves me or my family?  I.  Don’t.  Care.  Now don’t mistake me for being rude.  I’m not that.  I’ll make eye contact and give a ‘hello’ and answer any questions pertinent to the situation.  I do not, however, want to see pictures of kids, dogs or hear that you’re getting kicked out of your house cause’ you’re a swinger. (“Can you believe my neighbors actually filed a complaint?”)  I’m just not interested.  Look around fuckers.  Nobody cares so…shut it.  Really.

The white noise is also awesome.  That’s what it’s like.  The blabbing of a bagillion (yes, a bagillion) people talking smack about nothing can be overwhelming.  Seriously, I know stuff.  Come on, if you’re in a room with more than like 5 people?  All of the talking becomes one big hum. (White noise) You can’t tell where one person’s complaining about the kids starts and another’s diatribe about the Middle East ends.  Shut up.  Reading.  Over here.  Dicks. This especially blows while trying to work.  The rumbling of a bagillion voices in my head is for sure not conducive to actually accomplishing anything.  Especially when mixed with the voices that already live in my head.  Come on people.

I guess I’ve just never been one of those cool people who can handle the shit outta some small talk.  I can do it.  I just prefer not.  It gives me all kindsa heebie jeebies and sends my anxiety into overdrive.

Anyhow, if you come across me in one of these situations, I’d appreciate it if you just shut up.  My Doctor and I thank you in advance.


Unknown said...

Well said. I don't like big herds of people for that exact reason. Oh, and don't call my phone either. I don't like chatting on that. I will exchange hellos, etc., but don't ask for a convo. I'm simply not capable most days. My insurance doesn't cover those meds.

Precious Princess of Banananland said...

Ha! So true, Mary!

It's why you like me said...

See now while I don't care either I would totally participate in these conversations to make them totally awkward. You want to talk about swinging? Lets talk. I have questions. Poop on Tuesday? Why? It's not the middle of the week. Are you a Monday night drinker? Is this the morning shits? I must know. Your own damn fault. I'm nosy as all get out. I prefer to just sit in silence and play Candy Crush or FB or text someone telling them how lame the people are the room where I"m at.

Precious Princess of Banananland said...

You have way more energy than I do!

Unknown said...

LOL. I'm with you eleventy hundred percent. My husband is the chit chatter of the family, and sometimes, I am very grateful for that because it means I can pretend to be really involved with what the kids are doing and excuse myself while my husband represents the chit and the chat that defines our family's social value. ;) Other times, I hate that he chit chats because it means we can't go on a simple fucking walk around the neighborhood without it turning into a Meet n Greet. I would suck as a politician's wife. This was hilarious and yet another reason we should be neighbors. We could just sit in the same room together and drink, eat, and say inappropriate things. It would be awesome. Also, poop in a hat is epic. xoxo